The Wedding of my Dreams...

     October 8th, 2011 at 5:30pm I stood with my father on the pier of Destin Florida's Henderson Beach State Park looking down at my future husband, my family, friends and the amazing view of the sun starting to set and the ocean crashing light waves against the shore. I looked at my father as we were wrapped arm and arm and I watched my best friends walking down through the sand in front of me and I felt so honored that they were all by my side. I told my Dad "You know what is crazy? I'm not nervous one bit and I know exactly why...because this is right, this is what is meant for me." I felt confident and beautiful and beyond blessed. Having my father give me away at my wedding and walk me down the aisle (or the sand in our case) has always been my dream and with my Father's health I worried many times that we wouldn't have that chance so I embraced that moment for everything and I will cherish it always. Walking down through the sand I couldn't see anything but Bret...all the preparation, time, money, labor, sweat, tears, and heart that went into making that wedding ceremony possible was worth every bit of it. My father gave me away and we kissed eachother's cheeks and as he told me he loved me his voice cracked and I knew he was about to cry and I wanted to turn back around and tell him "Daddy you know I'll always be your little girl"...but I calmly looped arms with Bret because I knew and my Dad knew that this day was meant to be. We said our vows, had a beautiful sand ceremony where my friend Hannah sang Jack Johnson's "Angel", exchanged the rings, kissed and were announced as the newly Mr. and Mrs. Bret Ray! I was so happy...I got to marry my best friend. A love like ours is rare and not everyone will find one like it and I have always told Bret that I pledge to honor and respect our love because it is so precious and I think every bit of our wedding showed that.

Holding on for too long doesn't take you too far...but teaches lessons.

Looking back at relationships that didn't work the way we wanted we often think "Oh the time I wasted," but what about the lesson learned. Every person I come in contact with, whether its for a season, whether they move my heart or break it they have taught me a lesson about myself and made me who I am today. I love the Zac Brown Bands song "Colder Weather"...the lesson of waiting on someone you would have given up it all up for, only to keep waiting.

"Well its a winding road when you're in the lost and found, you're a lover and I'm a runner we go round and round. And I love but I leave you, I don't want you but I need you. You know its you that calls me back here baby. I want to see you again but I'm stuck in colder weather maybe tomorrow would be better can I call you then? Cause I'm a rambling man and I ain't never gonna change, You got a Gypsy soul to blame and you were born for leaving...born for leaving."

 In my life I've learned there is such a difference in holding on for the right reasons and holding onto those people that were born for leaving. It took time, tears and heartache...but it was a lesson of love that I don't regret learning because I cherish those people worth waiting for that much more. Being strung along leaves the power to only one in the relationship only breaking yourself down into a person of weakness and loneliness. Learn to own yourself and emotions and be strong in knowing who you are because letting anyone take that from you isn't worth it as it can take lifetime to gain yourself back.

My Cousin...More like a Brother...But more than that a Best Friend

 The Webster's dictionary defines family as "A group of persons of common ancestry" a friend as "one attached to another by affection" and a brother as "One related to another by common ties or interests." My cousin Justin more than covers any of these definitions by far. My childhood consists of spending countless days with Justin. Whether we were swimming in our four foot pool at our grandparents that we thought was magnificent, building forts, getting into trouble and just laughing at things that only made sense to us. Growing up I never thought much about my relationship with my cousin more than him being someone I loved spending time with until I have become an adult. I remember a few years ago my boyfriend at the time showed up at the bar hanging all over another girl and I bolted out the door before anyone saw my tears. When I got into the car with my friends and cousin I began crying and Justin just wrapped an arm around me and said, "Jordan, you don't deserve to put up with a minute of that from anyone. You are too special and everyone who meets you knows that." Those words stuck with me till this day and since then I looked at this "member of my family" as more than that...he is one of my best friends. He has been more of a brother to me and best friend than many people know in a lifetime and I am truly blessed to have someone so special in my life. My friends are his friends and his are mine, he's always there when I need him as I am for him, and there is no end of the Earth that I wouldn't go for him. My Cousin, My Brother, My Best Friend.

Love is like a painting...

These thoughts came to my mind last week while suffering through one of my many sleepless nights as RLS will be the death of me, LoL. The analogies of Love have been tossed around and examined by so many that they are endless and interesting all at the same time. But I began to think to myself what describes love best to me and through the challenges, heartache, and finally the comfort of finding the happiness love truly brings I thought the best analogy to me is love is like a painting. We all start with our blank canvases of life and begin scribbling out sketches of who we think we want to be and erasing and making our own changes until we begin taking the brush to the paint and creating this work of art that describes best who we are. To be brave enough to show this work of art to another is half the battle, who we really are. Its hard enough working up the courage to show someone the painting of your life and opening up. Sometimes showing a person all the beautiful pieces of your own painting only leads them to throwing their own splatters of paint and roughening your canvas all while you must start over again to blend in the colors and fade away the damage they have caused so that your painting will again be presentable for another...the art of heartbreak. But it isnt' until you find that person that you can take out your painting with all its flaws, mismatching colors, torn edges and they look at this preschool piece of work as the damage its been through has broken it down and they look at this and think its the most beautiful thing they have ever seen..they want to show it off..hang it in a gallery..and preserve it for life...the art of finding true love. Someone that sees your flaws as your strengths, loves you for all your past and what you'll become in the future, and at the end of the day...think your the best work of all.

The Best of Life...The Best of Friends....

What would you honestly do without that shoulder to cry on after the whole world has done you wrong? What would it mean to not have that person that at the end of the day that will really tell you how you look and you not take it to heart? Or what would you do without that go to girl that at the end of it all they have been there through it all? I'll tell you my answer straight forward, I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't be here without the wonderful friends and friendships that have gotten me to where I am today. I think as we get older we realize what friendships will last and which ones really won't. That has been hard for me and I have the heart of a tomato that can easily be crushed...but its those tough lessons that make us who we are. Losing a friend at a young age I realized these relationships aren't to be taken lightly and they all mean something different in their own way. Having that friend that at the end of the day they know every secret you could ever cover and wouldn't judge you for a moment and they embrace the beauty of who you are and the mistakes you have made and embrace you for them...That's my Brittany. Then there is that friend that you know will always take care of you, no matter what it is you needed they would be there for you in a heartbeat to rescue you..my Courtney. There is that friend that you would freely walk in front of death for because you cherish them more than yourself and they have made this brilliant life and became an amazing person that sometimes they don't even realize how amazing they truly are...my Elizabeth. There is always that friend that no matter what you can find a laugh with, a good time with, and some type of memory with...no matter what type of time or situation has lapsed the beauty of friendship is always there...my Amy. There is those friends you meet out of no where wondering how they came into your life but not knowing how you would ever live without them after you met...my Kimmy. That friend that makes you strive to be better than who you are because you inspire to be as graceful and wonderful as they are...my Andrea. And that friend that shows you what it means to be real and honest in any situation and that through chaos you are never alone...my Hannah. All girls who have and still touch my heart in different ways, awakens my soul everyday. I feel sorry for people who forget who impacts their life and move on without them.Cherish the relationships God has blessed us with, because we never know how long we have with our friends until we meet them as angels once again. These girls have saved me in one way or another, all in their own way and I am blessed to be their friends and honored to call them mine. I love you girls!

Welcome..

Welcome to my very own blog! Get ready get set because the life of yours truly is as crazy as ever but its life as I know it. I felt inspired to write my thoughts as I don't get much sleep and keeping up with family and friends can sometimes be a challenge and what better way to keep track with someone than the thoughts of their own blog!! So Welcome to my world, heart, and thoughts....enjoy!!